Change is always tough

I have always had trouble parting ways with things. The present always feels comfortable, the future always scary.

Back in college, I always had trouble saying no to people. This lead to me being involved in clubs, projects, or startups that I would regret later. It will always follow the same pattern. I would get myself into a situation, thinking it is no big deal. Small things would then start to annoy me, and I would start contemplating if I made the right choice or not. Then one day I will make the decision to take the big step, to move on. But it would still take me several days to actually execute it.

My first job was at J.P. Morgan, and I stayed there for about 2 years. Within 1 year I had already made up my mind to leave. But it still took me another 4–5 months before I actually started applying to other jobs.

Several things kept me from making that decision. There was self-doubt for sure. Is this really the right thing to do? Am I being irrational?. Then I started mentioning this to others, hoping that their opinion might help.

When I finally handed in my resignation, I had thought that the toughest part is done. I took the big step, things should go smoothly now. But it was nothing but that. My last month at JP was brutal for me mentally. I was questioning my decision each and every day.

There was one thing that helped me during this time. I realized that I was just focusing on the worst case scenarios. My mind was just presenting the good things I was leaving behind at JP and the bad things that might be waiting for me at my new job. No wonder I was questioning my decision. I rectified this by just taking a pen and paper and writing down the best case scenarios, what would happen if things did all go right.

I think the takeaway from all this is — Change is always going to be tough. You will never be 100% sure about what you want to do. But sometimes you just have to take the leap.